Frances Ellen Speaks!

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

I was driving home from the supermarket when I dreamed up an amusing April Fool’s joke to play on my husband. The day before he had sweat through an entire Saturday planting annuals along the path leading to our front door. And April Fool’s Day was right around the corner.

The day finally arrived. I strolled along our walkway after work and entered the house. My husband was sitting on the sofa sipping a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper. I cleared my throat and said, “What happened to all your beautiful flowers?”

“What do you mean, what happened to my flowers?”

I put on a super-duper gloomy face and replied, “Well, they’re all sort of drooping and dying.”

He threw the paper aside and hurried out the door with me trailing close behind.

When we were both standing looking down at his still-blooming flowers, a real explosion of color, I clapped my hands and shouted, “April Fool’s.”

My husband turned and stared at me. He didn’t think it was funny.

(I still say it was a great April Fool’s joke.)

I love watching Flash Mob videos. They make me smile. Try it. I bet you find yourself smiling.

I dare you not to sing along with this one.

This one’s just plain crazy and fun.

By now, I hope everyone has discovered  RefDesk

It’s my home page. I think you can find just about anything you could ever dream of on this page. It’s chock full of trivia and what’s new in the news. Some of the daily things you will find on this page are:

Site of the Day – Today it introduces you to  Free Ebooks and Texts Archive

Thought of the Day - It’s really a good one today, which is what prompted me to write about this site.    “If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.”
Abraham Maslow

This Day in History Today it’s about Narcotics Anonymous

Article of the Day Do you know what a Bonobo is? You will after reading this article.

Daily Diversions Games, Jokes, Stumble Upon, etc.

Today’s Potpourri Trivia, Science, Technology, Health

There are so many additional and varied resources, there is no possible way you could ever peruse every one of them. You’ll find all types of news, even “hold your hat now”–there’s even Positive, Good News. And expect the pictures from outer space to blow you away.

Don’t miss out on this site.

When did the word poop change to poo?

When I was a small child and I had to poop, I told my mother I had to do a #2. That was really a poop, except my mother didn’t want me shouting poop in the middle of a store, so her code word for poop was #2.

Now I’ve been hearing the new-improved, shortened version of poop being used, which apparently is poo.

I don’t know about you, but I have poo-pooed an idea or a piece of advice from time to time, but I’ve never pooed on a toilet, as far as I know.

If you’ve never moved from a large city to a small town, you might find this amusing. I, myself, had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

I relocated recently and now receive an itty-bitty weekly town newspaper. One of the regular columns is Cops Corner (a report of crimes committed during the previous week). The following is a woman’s account “word for word” of her encounter with an intruder.

Suspicious Incident. A woman advised that her house is for sale and she has been showing it to prospective buyers. An elderly man came to see the house. They shook hands as he was leaving and he kissed the top of her hand. She said he then hugged her and kissed her on the neck. The man attempted to kiss the woman on the lips, but she pushed him away and asked him to leave. The man told her he would like to make love to her. She never felt threatened but did tell him to leave several times. The man left without further contact. She is not pressing charges.

Is that a hoot, or what?! Here’s another one for your reading pleasure. Same week, same paper. A real crime spree!

Larceny – Motor Vehicle. A man informed a deputy that someone had broken and removed the passenger window of his truck. The victim showed the deputy the broken side window and said that after breaking the window, the unknown person placed it in the grass next to the vehicle. The man stated the GPS, satellite radio and his safety equipment were all still in the vehicle. The only things taken were (WAIT FOR IT!) a soda from his cooler and two AA batteries. There are no suspects.

It seemed to be quite a week for odd car break-ins. A 19-year-old woman stated that an unknown person broke into her Jeep, too. Stolen? three $1 bills and $2 in change.

Don’t you just love small town America? Meanwhile, the oil is gushing into the Gulf of Mexico like there’s no tomorrow.

Photo from Careerealism

I finally received an emailed joke that actually made me smile. I’m sharing.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken woman swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” I sighed. “She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she started drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” my wife said. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”