Clippy the Paperclip

Do you remember Clippy?

Jimmy Fallon mentioned him the other night in his monologue. And I got to wondering just when did Clippy disappear from Microsoft Word and from my life. Not that I’m complaining because he was nothing but a distraction.

Every time I started to type a letter, he’d pop up and ask “Do you want to type a letter?” Duh!? I ended up deleting him constantly until I figured out how to make him evaporate permanently. But like many things in life, once they are gone it’s too late to think maybe you sort of miss them–just a little.

Mmm, goodby forever, Clippy.

Croquet, The Wicked Version

For two glorious summers in the early 70s, every time I had a barbeque for friends, we got into the habit of setting up nine wickets and two stakes in my backyard and we played a wicked game of croquet. I say wicked, because that’s the only word I can think of to describe the mayhem. The USCA (United States Croquet Assoc.) would’ve never approved.

The truth is, I had the perfect yard to set up a croquet course. It was long, about 100 feet and about 50 feet wide–perfect for croquet, except for one small detail. Running completely across the width of the yard, was a rolling hill. I’m not too good with measurements, but I’d say it was a foot and a half high.

Trying to get a ball successfully up or down that hill while at the same time trying to aim your ball through a wicket was, as I mentioned, wicked. That first Saturday, when husbands and boyfriends, who were inside playing cards, heard the raucous commotion coming from the backyard and realized at once that the ladies weren’t playing an ordinary game of croquet, they issued the challenge–guys against gals. Once that happened, as you can imagine, the game became even crazier.

Oh, to relive those sunny afternoons when icy beers flowed, and the burgers and hot dogs tasted so, so good.

Dead Body in the Living Room

Mrs. Dollarton’s body was in the living room. She was my friend, or rather, she was my friend Bobby’s mother.

It was the 50s. I used to knock on their door and ask if Bobby was going to come out. On days when he was running an errand, like walking to the grocery store or something, Mrs. Dollarton would stop whatever she was doing and sit with me on the top step of the porch. She talked to me like I was a grown-up. I guess that’s what I liked best of all about her. But she was awfully pretty, too.

Then suddenly she was dead. Her body was laid out in Bobby’s living room. That’s what they did back in the 50s, can you believe it? And I went to see her one last time.

There were so many people milling around. No one noticed me come in and walk up to her casket. I kind-of remember her reddish hair, but time may have skewed my memory. Anyway, I wanted to touch her, but I wasn’t sure if you were allowed, so I just stood and looked at her and wished her alive. I don’t know how long I stared at her, mesmerized how alive she looked, but I knew she would never sit up and smile at me ever again.

I walked back to my house and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. I picked up the pillow on my bed and used it to muffle my hysterical cries.

I don’t remember if I said, “Sorry” to my friend, Bobby.

Solar Eclipse

Tonight there will be a Full Solar Eclipse/New Moon. It will be the last one of 2012.

If you believe, as some people do, that the planets are lining up so that they will be in complete alignment by 12/12/12–the Solstice– then tonight is the evening that you should stop for a time and think about your intentions.

What! Intentions? What the heck does that mean?

It is time to open yourself to all possibilities. It may sound insane, but try it anyway, especially if life, this year, has beaten you down. Don’t worry, no one is looking. There is no one to stop you, but you.

So, let’s get started. I personally am going to send out my intention to heal myself. I AM going to feel better overall.

Yours might go something like this. Ask that all that has been done against you, now will bless you in the fullness of time. Your intention will be to create your new life and shake off all things that have troubled you through the year.

That’s a short explanation of what your intention should be tonight. Some will just take a moment to relish the smell of the roses. but do stop to at least take an honest look at your life–take stock.

Make your intention.

Congratulations Ladies

Susan B. Anthony (standing) & Elizabeth Cady Stanton

I’m so proud of women today. They got out there yesterday and voted en masse. It doesn’t matter who they voted for–only that they voted.

It never ceases to amaze me that more women don’t feel an obligation to get themselves out and into the voting booths on election days. After all, so many brave women in the past suffered immensely to fight for our right to vote.

Yesterday ladies, you did us proud!

Florida Election Fiasco

The lines to vote are outrageous!

Any state that doesn’t have early voting is probably wondering what the state of Florida is bellyaching about. After all, Florida has more than a week to get out and vote.

No place have I read about the 10 Amendments that Florida citizens must vote on. That’s right! The Florida Legislature has bogged down Florida’s voters by adding 10, count them, 10 Amendments to the State Constitution on an Election Year Ballot. In addition, most of the 10 Amendments are so cunningly couched in legalese that people are finding them hard to understand, let alone to make an informed decision on them.

Congratulations Florida Legislators. You’ve successfully mangled, manhandled and misused your power to keep the voters away from the voting booths. It was dastardly, but quite effective.

 

 

Entitlements

I’m going to say it one more time–people who have given a portion of their hard-earned money over a lifetime are entitled to receive Social Security and Medicare benefits. No one is looking for a handout! They’re called entitlements because people are entitled to receive a little (and it is a little) bit back for their hard work.

Social Security does not contribute to the deficit, period. It is a trust fund. It has nothing to do with the budget or the deficit. In spite of Congress raiding this trust fund over the years, a fund which incidentally should be untouchable, according to AARP, the fund is projected to reach $4.3 trillion by 2023.

Just as the baby boomers are becoming eligible to collect, remember they represent the large working class that contributed to the fund while they worked. Those surplus funds were invested in U.S. Treasury bonds. If anything, the boomers contributed even more for the welfare of our nation just by their sheer numbers. The government should keep its promise to retirees, just as it would to any other investors.

Olympic Team USA – Made In China

When you see your Team USA march in the Opening Ceremony in London, they, of course, will be proudly carrying the United States flag, but they will be wearing, from head to toe, uniforms Made In China. Doesn’t that get your patriotic juices flowing?

Are you asking why the United States Olympic Committee had to outsource our athletes outfits to China? Evidently, someone beat you to the punch with that question. Part of the Committee’s official response is “…”Unlike most Olympic teams around the world, the U.S. Olympic Team is privately funded and we’re grateful for the support of our sponsors…”

Does that mean the Sponsors chose China?

This is just too outrageous. Even the Democrats and Republicans in Congress have finally found something they can agree on.  What a disgrace!

 

The Gypsy’s Promise

I finished writing a book.

The funny part is, it was never supposed to be completed.

The thing is, I fleshed out a couple of characters who became the basis of my first five chapters. Then the urge to actually complete the book passed and I moved on to writing other things.

But after the fifth chapter was done, the book sorta called me back and then the characters took on lives of their own. Before I realized it, there was a sixth, a seventh and an eighth chapter. I laid the book aside again for a while–months if I remember  correctly. But I kept being lured back to the unfinished manuscript.

Before I knew it, there were over 70,000 words written and I found myself composing an Epilogue.

It probably sounds like the hard work has been done, but actually the hard work has just begun–revisions and more revisions. That’s where the book stands until I deem it worthy to be sent to an agent. If I’m lucky, some day you’ll see The Gypsy’s Promise on a shelf in your favorite bookstore, or on Amazon as an eBook.

Wish me luck.

April Fool’s Day Joke

I was driving home from the supermarket when I dreamed up an amusing April Fool’s joke to play on my husband. The day before he had sweat through an entire Saturday planting annuals along the path leading to our front door. And April Fool’s Day was right around the corner.

The day finally arrived. I strolled along our walkway after work and entered the house. My husband was sitting on the sofa sipping a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper. I cleared my throat and said, “What happened to all your beautiful flowers?”

“What do you mean, what happened to my flowers?”

I put on a super-duper gloomy face and replied, “Well, they’re all sort of drooping and dying.”

He threw the paper aside and hurried out the door with me trailing close behind.

When we were both standing looking down at his still-blooming flowers, a real explosion of color, I clapped my hands and shouted, “April Fool’s.”

My husband turned and stared at me. He didn’t think it was funny.

(I still say it was a great April Fool’s joke.)