If you’ve never moved from a large city to a small town, you might find this amusing. I, myself, had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

I relocated recently and now receive an itty-bitty weekly town newspaper. One of the regular columns is Cops Corner (a report of crimes committed during the previous week). The following is a woman’s account “word for word” of her encounter with an intruder.

Suspicious Incident. A woman advised that her house is for sale and she has been showing it to prospective buyers. An elderly man came to see the house. They shook hands as he was leaving and he kissed the top of her hand. She said he then hugged her and kissed her on the neck. The man attempted to kiss the woman on the lips, but she pushed him away and asked him to leave. The man told her he would like to make love to her. She never felt threatened but did tell him to leave several times. The man left without further contact. She is not pressing charges.

Is that a hoot, or what?! Here’s another one for your reading pleasure. Same week, same paper. A real crime spree!

Larceny – Motor Vehicle. A man informed a deputy that someone had broken and removed the passenger window of his truck. The victim showed the deputy the broken side window and said that after breaking the window, the unknown person placed it in the grass next to the vehicle. The man stated the GPS, satellite radio and his safety equipment were all still in the vehicle. The only things taken were (WAIT FOR IT!) a soda from his cooler and two AA batteries. There are no suspects.

It seemed to be quite a week for odd car break-ins. A 19-year-old woman stated that an unknown person broke into her Jeep, too. Stolen? three $1 bills and $2 in change.

Don’t you just love small town America? Meanwhile, the oil is gushing into the Gulf of Mexico like there’s no tomorrow.